Stop Living Someone Else’s Dream
The fastest way to burn out is chasing goals that don’t belong to you
It’s been over 2 years, but people still ask me if I miss the game industry.
Honestly? I don’t.
I spent twenty years there before walking away to become a coach. I gave everything I had to projects that were supposed to be “dream jobs.” But they weren’t my dreams. I was building visions that belonged to other people — and most of them never even believed in the vision themselves.
Just the other week, I saw the news that one studio I’d worked at had been closed, and another had gone through massive layoffs. Neither headline surprised me.
Most of the studios I worked at were never really committed to their own vision. Leadership was detached and unfocused. They expected the people they hired to carry the dream for them — a dream they’d never truly believed in themselves.
That’s what finally broke me.
I didn’t burn out because the work was too hard. I burned out because I was chasing dreams that kept shifting — visions that changed with every new trend, deadlines no one believed in, and leaders who couldn’t hold a direction or a schedule. They didn’t know what they wanted, and they didn’t care about the toll it took on the teams.
And it’s not just the game industry. This happens everywhere. Companies, careers, even families and friend groups can run on goals that don’t belong to you. When leaders don’t know what they stand for — when organizations don’t actually believe in their own vision — they hand the weight to the people who do care. And it’s always the ones who show up, who give their best, who actually try to make it work, that get ground down.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be that way. When you find a team that’s clear on its values and actually lives by them, being part of that vision can be powerful. But in my experience, that kind of alignment was rare — and without it, the cost of carrying someone else’s dream is too high.
Walking away taught me more about burnout, passion, and ownership than any “success” in that industry ever did. It’s why I coach the way I do now — helping people stop chasing goals that don’t matter and start building lives that actually do.
“If you don’t build your dream, someone will hire you to help build theirs.” — Tony Gaskins
Tired of chasing goals that aren’t yours? Book a FREE Discovery Call and start building toward goals that actually matter to you.
The Signs You’re Running the Wrong Race
Living someone else’s dream doesn’t usually feel like failure.
In fact, on the surface, it can look like you’re doing everything “right.” You’re busy. You’re achieving. You’re checking boxes.
But deep down, something feels off — because the race you’re running doesn’t actually belong to you.
Here are some of the signs I’ve learned to spot — in myself and in others:
You’re always performing, rarely fulfilled. You chase goals because they’ll look good on a résumé, a medal wall, or social media — but the actual work doesn’t light you up. You celebrate because you’re “supposed to,” not because you’re proud.
You keep waiting for the next milestone to finally feel like enough. The promotion, the marathon, the salary bump, the recognition. Each one brings a moment of relief, but never the satisfaction you hoped for. So you set another bigger goal, hoping the next one will fix the emptiness.
You measure yourself by other people’s tape. You’re constantly comparing your pace, your income, your progress to everyone else’s. Instead of asking, “Does this fit me?” you ask, “Am I keeping up?”
You say yes when you mean no. Whether it’s a work project, a family expectation, or a race distance, you take on goals that don’t fit because you feel pressure to prove yourself, not because you actually want them.
You feel drained more than energized. Even when you succeed, you end up exhausted, not proud. The process takes more than it gives.
When you’re living small — chasing someone else’s vision instead of your own — life starts to feel like an endless treadmill. You’re working, sweating, and moving fast, but you’re not actually getting anywhere you care about.
Why Chasing the Wrong Dream Breaks You
Hard work isn’t the problem. Most of us can handle long hours, tough training, and real sacrifice when we know what it’s for.
The problem is when all that effort is poured into a dream that doesn’t belong to you. That’s when even success starts to feel like failure.
Here’s what happens when you keep running the wrong race:
Burnout hits faster and harder. Work that doesn’t inspire you drains more energy than it gives back. You can push through hard miles when they matter to you, but pushing for someone else’s finish line feels heavier with every step.
Winning feels hollow. You hit the target — the job, the race, the achievement — and instead of pride, you feel… nothing. Or worse, just relief that it’s over. It doesn’t fuel you forward, it empties you out.
You lose years you can’t get back. Time doesn’t stop while you’re carrying someone else’s vision. Before you know it, seasons, projects, even decades are gone — and you realize you never actually built the things you wanted.
Your identity starts to drift. When you spend too long chasing someone else’s definition of success, you start to lose track of who you are. You become the role you’re filling, and the person you want to be fades into the background. That loss of self is paralyzing.
This is why chasing the wrong dream breaks you. It’s not just the effort — it’s the emptiness. It’s pouring yourself into a finish line that doesn’t give anything back.
And no matter how strong or disciplined you are, no one can outrun that forever.
How to Start Running Your Own Race
The good news is you don’t have to stay stuck chasing someone else’s dream.
The shift starts with clarity — getting brutally honest about what’s yours and what isn’t. That means slowing down long enough to ask yourself not just what you’re working toward, but why it matters and who it’s really for.
Here are three reflection cues to help you draw that line:
Would I still want this if no one else noticed? Strip away the title, the medal, the applause. If the recognition disappeared, would the goal still matter to you? The things worth chasing are the ones that carry weight even when nobody else is watching.
Does this align with how I want to feel every day? Not just the outcome, but the process. Do you want the training, the work, the daily grind it takes to get there? A finish line is only worth it if the miles leading up to it don’t feel like a waste of life.
Am I proud of the process, not just the prize? If the only satisfaction comes from checking the box at the end, it probably isn’t your finish line. Real ownership comes from enjoying the growth and lessons that the process brings — not just the end result.
Living your dream doesn’t mean it will be easy.
In fact, it’s usually harder. But there’s a crucial difference: the struggle fuels you instead of empties you.
You’ll still face long miles and tough climbs — probably longer and tougher than you ever faced before — but when the race belongs to you, every step has meaning. And that meaning is what makes the work sustainable, the wins sweeter, and the pride real.
What about you? Have you ever chased a dream that didn’t belong to you — and what did you learn when you finally let it go? Share your story in the comments below.
Owning your dream doesn’t mean walking away from everything overnight. Most of us can’t simply drop all our responsibilities and turn our lives upside down in an instant.
And you don’t need to.
The shift starts in small choices — saying no to a project that doesn’t matter, carving out time for a goal that excites you, or admitting that the finish line you’ve been chasing isn’t actually yours. Each small step moves you closer to a life that feels like it belongs to you.
When the goals are yours, the hard work still comes, but it feels different. The struggle builds instead of breaks, and the effort fuels instead of empties.
That’s the difference between burning out on someone else’s dream and being fueled by your own — and it’s what makes the work sustainable and the wins sweeter.
What’s one small shift you could make this week to start moving closer to your own finish line?